My new favorite doctors are chiropractors!!!  I am back to full range of motion after five visits, am cleaning again, finally, and start in on physical therapy tomorrow. The pain is easing so much now, and though I get tired, and my arm hurts from time to time, I am doing so much better!!

  Tom has been home now since last Tuesday night. Not too much has been accomplished with him home, and again, I have inspection tomorrow as well. I did most of the kitchen, including deep organizing, as that is what she is expecting this time, with him home. I have to do three rooms, two of which are really needing it, today. The living and bedroom (mine) seem like a lot of work, but if I move fast trash the things we really don't need, then Tom can take the garbage out fo rme. I would love the carpets to be pulled throughout the house, so hopefully, I can get him to do that. I don't mind having to go through and mop or sweep, since they are easier on my back then vacuuming and shampooing. I really want the rest of any stench out from the cats, and with the heat moving in for summer, that will really come up, no matter how much you shampoo them. I have a ton of laundry to do, so setting the egg timer to tell me when a load is done, will help. That way, I can get most of it done, maybe even down to four loads, left when she gets here tomorrow. (I only have about 18 loads to do, since there are blankets and sheets, along with our daily wear stuff. We own a lot of blankets!!!)

  I don't know what happened, but Tom has a pinched nerve in the middle of his back, so I am having to baby him at the same time, knowing I will not get his much needed help in organizing the house, so that he knows where everything is. He told me he would help me this time, knowing we need to pass this inpsection, but then, his back goes out, while I am trying to recover from what we now know is, Cervical Sprain in the whole of my neck. I will have two to four weeks of physical therapy to bring back the strength in my shoulders and neck, and after the cleaning I will do today, it might take the full four weeks. I already know he has things to do to get his truck ready to take back to his boss, as that one is now sold, and a new one is there for him. He will use that as a way to get out of the house, or try to get me to leave the house to help him, and I will put my foot down and say no, since there is too much to do here. It really looks worse than it is, because of the paperwork, books, and clothing that has to be gone through, so I will have to work hard and fast. The kitchen is the easy room, along with Cullen's, but my room and the living room need a thorough going through, dusting, vacuuming, that sort of thing. It is a bunch of little things that Tom could be helping me with, but won't.

  I guess once I get it done, then I can finally get the schedule I need to live by, up and running. I need the time to sew and bead, and the gardens need to go out. I will put them out this year, if I have to be the one digging up the grass in the garden plot, tilling by hand, whatever it takes, because he didn't till it for me, like I asked, and he said he would. I guess I am flustered, only because the first three days he was home, the usual was going on, let's drive here or there, let's do this or that, but not the house. After my appointments with the chiropractor, I need to lie down to allow the work to heal, and didn't get to do that, instead, I was stuck in a car, with him driving, going all over the place. When I wasn't with him, I was trying to sneak in naps, to heal my neck, while he was out talking with friends for hours on end.  I got the kitchen to the point that it will not take long to be ready to rip out the carpeting, something he told me he would get done this time, so that I don't have to try to shampoo it anymore. I hate carpeting in the kitchen, and would rather be down to plywood on the floor, because at least then, I could sweep it and be done! I also want the carpeting out of the other rooms, as vacuuming is becoming increasingly hard for me. I have good floors under the carpeting, and really would love to have to sweep and mop, instead of trying to lug a heavy vacuum around.

  So, I am off to make breakfast for a friend of mine, who is coming over to cheer me on, getting me motivated for the day. I will more than likely hit panic mode about ten tonight, and work till at least two am getting things done, so that I can pass the inspection with social services. She is expecting so much more to be done this time, since he is home, so this should be fun.

Please, if you have any to spare, send me working energy, energy that will keep me moving and getting things done. I would appreciate it so much!

 Sending love to you all

Rhea

Well, since the CT scan that was done, I have been moving very slow. I called my doctors at the VA, talked to them about a new bed, or at least a new mattress, and we talked about the fact that we need more alternatives for my healing.  So, the VA sends me this hospital mattress of memory foam, sort of like those egg crate things you can buy in the store, only ten times better. I was afraid, at first, of using it, wondering if it would make me stiffen up, or hurt me more. So, I tried it out about four days after it arrived, and let me tell you!!!  It sure did help my lower back, and I was waking well rested. Here is the kicker, everything and anything that was wrong from the accident, suddenly made itself known.  All of a sudden, ten days ago, I was in immense pain through the neck and shoulders, so much so, that sleeping was impossible, and I was crying my days away.

The week before I started using the mattress, I had gotten a call from the insurance adjuster, asking me if I was ready to settle out the medical on the accident. I was shocked, because I was told they would pay for the visits to the doctors, but then, she talked about getting my records from not only the local hospital here, but the VA, so she could make sure that none of the pain was related to my original injury. Well, a week later, I called her, telling her I needed to see another doctor, that the pain was so bad, I could not move. We got into an argument, because she was saying I was the one who brought up the medical settlement, and I told her that no, she had called me, and she said she distingcly remembers it being me who asked.  We also argued about the pain, and I told her simply, Listen lady, don't take this personal, but I know the difference in the pain, since my neck is not attached to my ass!!!  She told me that I would have to go to My doctors at the VA, that I was not allowed to see another doctor here in town, and I told her I could not get to my doctors, with no car, as the car needed repairs (factory recall on it, only 1500 miles into it!) and that I needed to see someone NOW!  Well, when we were done, I was livid. So, I called the insurance broker who is handling both insurance companies for the accident, as both men use the same broker.  She listenes, loved the part about neck/ass, and asked if she could use that one, and was livid over my treatment from the insurance adjuster. I told her that I was now considering pain and suffering, since I have now been unable to do my daily duties for five weeks, and that the treatment I received, where the adjuster basically made it out to sound like I was the one who hit him! Can you believe it? She tried to treat me like the accident was my fault!!!

So, now I am seeing a chiropractor, a necessity actually, since I was not only in pain, I could not turn my neck. I found out that whiplash can take weeks to months before showing up, and mine did. He was so upset over how bad I was, and that I had to wait until I was told I could see a local doctor, to go into him. He is now putting me on physical therapy, as well as having to use ultrasound to help the muscles relax. I have a stretched ligament on the right side of my neck, and the 2nd and 3rd bones in my neck are not placed right...nor do they want to move with my neck. You should have heard the first time he cracked my neck into place, OMGoddess, I swear you could have heard it a mile away. I have never been to a chiropractor, but he is now my best friend!!  It took him three days, going each day, just to get the last three vertebrae in my neck to settle!!  He was nearly in tears telling me I need a referral from my VA docs to do the rest of my back, as there is so much damage there, and he can help me with the original injury from the Navy, but is only allowed to do so much right now as related to the accident. So, this morning I am calling to find out if I can get a referral to him, since he already knows my back. I can tell he has set my thryoid back to working, as I am finally eating again!! I polished off an entire three egg omelet, hash browns, and a pancake the other day, after the first adjustment!!! I never eat that much, but was so hungry, that I finally did!!!  I guess the pain has been causing me to starve myself without knowing it, since I rarely get hungry. So, now my thyroid might actually read the hormones it was making, but just not using...my levels were ok, just not registering in my thyroid.

So, now hubby and I have a lawyer, and we are not going to settle lightly. I am not talking a HUGE settlement, just enough to compensate for the damage to my neck and shoulders, the pain I have endured, and the treatment from a rude adjuster.  I want all future medical covered for my neck, so that I don't have to pay to continue to see this doctor for the pain...they are talking at least once a week for a while, then once a month, once the adjustments are working better. That and the physical therapy, should help to strengthen me again, and I am finally able to do my daily chores.

So, Bethany went to her first prom, and OMGoddess she was beautiful! Cullen is on Abilify now, and doing so much better. He has only had two bad days out of a month and a half, where he was uncontrollable. He is more focused, more willing to see consequences, and less anxiety is showing up. Bethany is getting ready to work full time this summer, and wanting an apartment of her own. Tom is home for a week after being on the road for three straight months, and sleeping like a log right now. We are going to work on the house together, finally, and he is willing to help me more now, seeing what is going on with the pain, the work needing done on the deep organizing, and what we need to get rid of.

I thank you all for being patient with me. The last two months have been hell on me, as I have also been dealing with my step-daughter and her mother once again.  I will post that blog later, because you are not going to believe what has been said!

Sending love, light and blessings your way

Rhea

 Well, I went in for a CAT scan the other night, turns out I pretty much strained my entire back due to the accident. I am moving so much slower, and have so much yet to do. I have the social worker coming Monday, so cleaning this morning, Sunday, and the morning of Monday. I am not going to panic, just get done what I can, as I can explain to her the straining of my back, and why the house is not perfect. It will look nice, but I already know that getting my bedroom completely done, is probably not going to happen. I will be happy with all the laundry finally done, the dishes done, the boxes out of the living room. That is my goal.

 Other than that, just trying to catch up.

Sending love to you all

Rhea

  Ok, I have left you all alone for way too long, and boy, do I have a lot of catching up to do!  Not just in my life, but on the groups, and the blogs and such.  I feel like I have deserted many of you, and I am sorry if you feel that way too.  I have been over at Paganspace.net, and it is a really neat site, but I have also been finally getting things on track more in my life.

  I had an accident a week ago, which totaled the car I was driving. The kids were with, we are all ok. It was the car that my best friend loaned to me, and we were rear-ended. So, now I am without a vehicle, as the transmission is out on the Audi.  We finally figured that one out, and it will be about 10,000$ to repair the transmission, the air-ride suspension (again), and to have the oil changed, and all the fluids checked. So, without a vehicle, I get to do a lot of walking now. Though I will not walk into Brookings, since is five miles to the outside of town, I will walk around town here, since it is lovely, full of trees, and most things are only about five blocks away! The restaurant and the grocery store both deliver, so that makes it easier on me when we need something.

  I have been involved in the SCA for the area, and am going on a camping trip in May, for Beltaine, with them. My whole family is going, in period dress, so that is going to be fun. I am designing the gowns that Bethany and I will be wearing, but I am planning to make more men's clothing, since that is mainly an untapped market. Many like making the women's clothing, since it is more intricate and in high demand, but they forget that the men need trousers, tunics, kilts and the like, so I am going to go into that foray as well. Since I stick to the medieval, and do not really want the time consuming effort of the Rennaisance and the Elizabethan eras, that is where I will work. I like the 10-11th centuries, and would love to do earlier than that, but not much is known.  For the Beltaine ceremony, I am not allowed to do it as part of the SCA, however, I am allowed to "remove" a group of people outside of the area we are renting, to hold the ceremony, and have been told that several members are excited that I can do that. It also fits the clothing I am working with for myself, which is more inspired as Priestess stature.  I have found some wonderful fabrics, fairly cheap, and as the business takes off, I will be able to really look at better fabrics.

  Ah well, I have rambled enough...just know we are all ok, I miss the dickens out of you all, and will return this week to really start checking up on things again. This is a wonderful place, with wonderful people, and I could never desert it.

Sending love and blessings

Rhea

Over the last month, there has been a lot of stress in my life. You did get to see the fun things I have been doing, which are the paranormal hunts, but, in the process, there have been things that have really taken me for a ride, things that I should have had more help with, and things I got more help with than I needed, and am completely grateful for.

I got a knock on the door about three weeks ago, only to find an officer standing there, one that I knew, holding papers for me. I invited him in, so that I would no have to walk in the snow, barefoot and sick. That was my mistake. As he entered my home, he said that it was not livable for the children in the home, and he was right. So, social services was called, and I ended up going rounds with the social worker, even chasing her out of my home telling her to "Get out!!".

First of all, let me explain how my house got this bad.  Most of my friends on here know that beginning in December of 2006, we were going through a lot trying to get custody of my husband's daughter. I had had the house cleaned immaculately, though there were still a lot of unpacked boxes, they were in the basement, or in my bedroom. I had received dinner guests, who demanded a clean house, as one was not only a Real Estate Agent, he was an interior decorator. He liked the curtains I had made for my livingroom, and some of the colors on the walls, knowing I am very different and color does not scare me. By Yule, when Tom was home, the house was not so bad, just typical clutter. After Tom left from his four day visit, it was a bit worse, and the weather went really cold, making every day cleaning hard on me. I was starting to go through a major depression that snuck up on me, as we did no have moneyh for the kids for Yule, and relied on the kindness of a neighbor and her church to really give the kids some great gifts. I knew Tom's boss was lying to us, but proving it was hard, and it was taking me down.

In January, Tom got custody of Jasmine, and he took her on the road for two weeks to try to talk to her and set the ground rules. When he brought her home, I had a few days worth of dishes, and a lot more clutter, as I felt I was not getting help around the house enough. It only got worse, especially with Jasmine living with us. I would clean for 8 hours in one room, going through every thing paper and glass, dusting, vacuuming, really making it look nice, but Bethany had done eight loads of laundry, and insted of folding it, she piled it on the sofa. I gathered it up, as I was going on an over-night ride with Tom, and when I came home, you could not tell I had even cleaned that room!!  It took Bethany three months to tell me, after Jasmine moved out, that the night we went to Minnesota to get the load dropped off and pick up a new one, that Jasmine encouraged Cullen to make a mess, telling him she would clean it up before I got home. The kids watched movies, and the clothes ended up strewn across the living room floor (the room is 21 ft long.) I walked into a hurricane hit room, and was livid.

Now mind you, I would ask Jasmine for help with the dishes, wanting her and Bethany to at least help me do a couple of sink loads to help me out. Jasmine would never help, and you could tell that when I would get some work done in the house, if I left, when I got home, you could not tell I had worked on the house. I was getting frustrated, and yet, I was trying not to put too much pressure on Jasmine, as her mother was constantly making her clean after six people in the house. I let Jasmine do a lot of things, including spending time with her boyfriend, and letting him stay the night here, on a mattress on the living room floor. Every time I would ask for help, it was Bethany who would help me. Jasmine would find ways to take so much time that she would not get anything accomplished. I was trying to bond with Jasmine, talking to her, enjoying the conversations we would have, and it seemed she enjoyed them too. I would not try to talk about her mother, but I would ask what living conditions were like for her, as she seemed bitter about it, so I offered counseling with her.

During January and February, I was sinking back into the depression, as it seemed that my children were not getting to do the things they wanted as often as they wanted, while Jasmine was getting to do more than her share of things. I still tried to keep the peace, and when she was out with her boyfriend, I would spend what time I could pampering my children, instead of cleaning. I didn't really care about the house as much as I did about trying to let my children see that just because Jasmine was in the home, she was not necessarily getting preferntial treatment.  Tom would come home, and during the days when he said he would help me, as I was moving furniture around, trying to get through the unpacked boxes, and the laundry that kept piling on the couch, he would instead take me places all over, and if I did not go with him, he would pout. I love him, but man, he can pout. He wanted me to spend time with him, and I could hardly deny him time with his wife.  Nothing was getting done, unless Bethany started, or I would get the energy to start. At one point before Jasmine moved back into her mother's home, because she was not getting her way as often, a comment was made about how I was great at the starting gate, but I never finished the race. Now mind you, I would work for up to six hours in one room, hurt myself, and then have to rest for a few days to start again. Nothing was completed to it's fullest extent, and in the meantime, it would only get worse.

Now, mind you, Cullen's counselor through the mental health clinic in town, was coming to my home. In none of the time she was coming to my home, and sitting with me inside my home, and she never once felt the need to contact social services regarding the state of my home. It was pretty bad at that time, but not as bad as it had gotten recently. After the stress of fighting with Jamine, grounding her, and then her suddenly wanting to visit her mother, knowing I would not keep her from her family, and then she stayed. She said a lot of things that were not true, and we found out she lied about a lot of things regarding my family. That was in April. By March, we learned that Jasmine was playing games.  At one point, in October, she was arrested for underage drinking. we brought her home. During the time she was in the house, even after being mad at me for enforcing what her father said he wanted, she was at least talking to me. We had her laughing, and then suddenly, her mother called and said she would be there to get her. When Tom handled Meghan, he put his foot down, basically telling her that while Jamine is in her care, she is allowed to do what she wants, and that Meghan is not fit to have her back. He told her that he would handle this one, and that Meghan needed to back off. He was so angry at her, after she told him what Jasmine was talking to her on the phone about, and he told her that it was none of her business, as he had custody of Jasmine, and she would be staying with us.

At that point, he confronted Jasmine, and I went to the backyard to also confront her. I asked her why she kept lying, why she felt it was so necessary to use people the way she does. I also explained to her that she was jeapordizing her boyfriends Air Force career, by getting caught drinking in his house, while he was not home, and none of her friends would take responsibility for the alcohol. I also told her I was aware that she lied about the rape in November that she had my help with. I told her that a witness has come forward that can refute her statement, describing it as a revenge thing so that she would not look like she was cheating on her boyfriend. (I later found out her boyfriend has been cheating on her with many girls for alcohol and drugs!!!) I told her of the possible repercussions of her actions, and when she didn't believe me, I told her to talk to an officer, who confirmed what I was saying, and only made her more mad at me.

When my husband told me after I left, that Jasmine had gotten a call for emergency babysitting, and he was going to let her go, I was livid. He was giving in to her, as far as I saw, and once again, she was getting her way. I told him that if he believed her lies, than he would be facing divorce, as I was no longer going to be party to this bullcrap. We went to Loretta's house and again, we got a call, this time from the woman who claimed that it was her sister going into labor, and that she could not leave her kids at home alone, and needed a babysitter. The name sounded famliar, but I would not know how familiar till two days later. When we dropped Jasmine off, I told her that I hoped she had a good life, as she was no longer allowed in my home, no matter how desperate things got. I told Sarah, the woman who claimed to need Jasmine for the night, that she was not allowed to smoke, regardless. I told her that her mother would be coming to get her, and that she was not to call me.

 I found out that Sarah was who I thought she was, when Ashley called me to tell me that she had just chewed Sarah out for asking us to let Jasmine babysit, without first knowing the whole reason Jasmine called to ask her to help her get out of our house. Sarah asked how Ashely knew me, and she told her that I was her mother, and that Sarah just basically used her (Ashley) to lie about, as I already knew that is who she was claiming was her sister in emergency labor and delivery, and that she might want to consider how important their friendship was. Sarah felt like she had been used, she told Ash, and Ash told her that she was not going to talk to her for a while, so that she could see the hurt that Ash felt for using her that way.

So, Jasmine was back at her mother's, then moved in with her boyfriend. Though we had physical custody of her, it was best for my son and daughter, that she not be in our home. I found out at that time that Meghan was going around telling everyone that it didn't matter what Jasmine did anymore, Tom was the one who has custody, so she no longer had to be a mother to her, nor did she care of she got into trouble, that was to be taken on by me and Tom. Meghan continued her lies, telling anyone she could mean things about me, that were getting back to me, and at a time when things were getting bad for us financially.  The whole year, Jasmine kept demanding money from her father, knowing we did not have it. Honestly, we made less than 27,000 last year ,and that is including my VA payments, so we were definitely under the poverty level for what we made and what we had to pay out.

That is why the mortgage papers. Add to that the job I loved, that I was fired from, because the boss decided he was too scared to deal with workman's comp if I got hurt.(After nearly OD'ing at the end of October on a raised amount of Morphine. ) After my surgery for my back in November, things got too much for me. I had asked Tom to help me get the house at least manageable before my surgery. We had a couple of days before the first procedure, and yet, it was more important to drive around than get the house clean. I had the first procedure, and was in pain purely from the injection sites, that was the 17th. On the 22nd, I had another surgery to finalize it, and again, I was in pain, however, I made Thanksgiving dinner, including a 23 pound bird, and did all the cleaning I could, along with the meal. I was in pain, but it didn't seem to matter. I was trying to clean, but could only work for short periods of time, and was not sleeping well because I could not sleep how I was used to.

The house was horrible, I had litter boxes to change, the cats, all eight of them, were pooping on the laundry and in the bathroom, and when they thought I wasn't looking, they used Cullen's room as well. I was trying to keep up, trying to get things done, but was so depressed from being fired on Yule, and then in so much pain, and realizing that the surgery did not work. Every time that Tom came home, I was not getting help. He told me that he would not come home for Yule if the house was still a mess, and I tried, as did Bethany, but it was just too much. He came home, I got into huge fights with him, and handed our best friend my wedding rings. He kept them for about three weeks, while I went through and thought it out. I know I have given Tom ultimatums, and I deserved this, but when you are constantly told that you don't need to worry, that "I will help you when I get home, WE will get this done, don't worry. Just do what you can.", only to have him never lift a finger and yell at me because it was not perfect. By the time he came home again, I was tired, I was deeply depressed, I had friends telling me all the mean things being said about me, and I had really no way to defend myself. I was not hanging out at the  same places she was, nor was I able to meet up with those she was talking to. (Meghan.) At the end of January, I was attempting to clean more, trying to get caught up, overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of it all, and getting nowhere. Tom and I were fighting more, and then, the police officer showed up.

The officer and the social worker asked if I had family that the kids could stay with while I got the house clean. I had only friends, as Tom's mom is not doing well. I went through all of my friends, and if Tony was not living with the roommate he had, they could have gone to him, and they would have done well. (If a person in the home has any felonies on their record, the children cannot be there.) Finally, my friend Kim said she would take them, went through the interview, and was accepted. I was in mania by this time, and yelling at the social worker, Tom was on his way home, and a friend of mine called to ask a question. His son has been asking about me lately, and he had some things to ask me, and when I told him what was going on, they packed up, headed 500 miles out of their way, and came to my rescue, literally. For four days, we worked around the clock to get things done. They would help me during the day, and at night, I would do what I could. I kept Tom out of the house for the first two days, because I felt that this was partially his fault for never helping me like he said he would. We hashed out so much, and even the social worker was fearful I was serious about divorce. The last night before they were to come for their first inspection, I had been up on three hours sleep in two days. I had moved out mattress and box spring from Cullen's room, his dresser, baskets of laundry, trash, anything that did not belong in his room. David and his wife, Michelle, were amazing people, and I treasure them as family. We worked so hard, and by the time Tom actually got time to help us work on the house, it seemed like so little to me. The third day of cleaning, he was out running errands for his mother or us, getting kids to places they needed to be. I was hating having to visit my children at my friend's house, and when her son got very ill, we moved them to my MIL house. Believe me, that was not pleasent.

When the police officer and the social worker returned, she made a comment that sent me off the edge. Remember i have not slept in two days at this point, and suddenly I was out of the house and out in the garage, I could no longer take her attitude!! She said that she expected more to be done, that the house was not what  promised. I told her that I had been up for two days straight, that I was in immense pain, and should be in a hospital for pain management. I told her I had gotten done everything I could possibly do, including moving furniture on my own, that I shoudl never be lifting. After she left, Michelle told me, along with Tom, what was said after I left. Appearently, Tom had not heard her comment, but he heard Michelle tell the social worker that instead of being negative about what was done, she could have said that it was looking better than it had, and that she was proud that a disabled woman had gotten done what she had. (The house was remarkably different, with boxes of things that needed to be put away, my room needing help, but the kitchen and Cullen's room, along with Bethany's room, were done, which were the main concerns. The police officer next to her was nodding in agreement to Michelle when the social worker looked at him, his lips pursed with the look of "I will reprimand you later" on his face.

We aksed for a couple more days to ensure that the house was where we wanted it to have the children back in, which was agreed upon, even though we were told we could have them back in the home. Tom wanted to be sure that the next time they came, more would be done. That would have been fine and dandy, had he not needed to pick up a load in the neighboring town, to have to take to Minnesote on Thursday. It fell through for delivery, after he had already been gone most of the day picking up the load.  I had to rest the day before he picked up the load, because I needed sleep. I did nothing while he was gone, as moving my arms and legs hurt so badly, I could barely walk. On Friday, he found out that he could deliver on Saturday morning, but nothing got done, and the children were allowed to return home. I cooked and did the dishes after. I was still so exhausted. On Sunday, again, Tom did not help me, as he was heading out to another state, since we needed the money on the paycheck. I was left alone, after he promised to help take all the clothing we owned to the laundromat, to ensure that everything was clean, smelled nice, and was put away. Sunday, I did it all on my own. Eight hours later, I was exhausted, hurting and sick.

On Monday, I went to the school for a meeting with the principal and Cullen's teachers. During the course of the meeting, it was stated to me that they wanted to place Cullen in an institution for at least two months, for a psychological evaluation, to ensure he is properly diagnosed. I was livid. Not only was this terrible timing, it was insulting. After what I had just been through for ten days, they suggest this!! I went off, drove to the psychologist's office, grabbed what they claimed never came to them, and then went back to the school to argue the fact that my son already had a diagnosis that they have not wanted to believe for a year now.  By the time I was done, Cullen would not be going to the institution, the principal apologized for the timing of bringing this up, and I had tried to remove my son from the school to homeschool him.

I had also called my social worker, after she had been by with her superior and the original police officer who had reported the house. The superior was wearing what I call a notch belt. You could tell by the types of questions that she was asking, such as: "How do I know you will be keeping the house clean and it will not get back to what it was?". "Are you sure that we should be allowing the children back into the home, or should they go into foster care?" The officer looked at her and told her that if she had seen what he walked into, she would see a marked difference. He told her, as did I, that I did not want to live this way, and that since I am disabled, I was working as hard as I can. She finally let her guard down a bit, but she was definitely looking to remove the children. Now, mind you, when the social worker had called me the week before, I apologized for my behavior, we talked for well over a half hour, We ended up resolving our differences, I explained how she had approached me from the onset, like a criminal, when I was the one who had invited the officer in. She stood up for me with her superior, She told her that she felt that this was a one time occurance, that the failed surgery, the problems with my husband's ex, my husband not helping me enough, and the fact that I was trying to heal for six weeks after the surgery, kept me from getting done what i needed. She told her that she is not recommending parenting classes or any other classes. We scheduled her next visit, and they left.

So, one thing I forgot to mention was that I had asked a friend of mine, who is seeing Meghan's ex boyfriend now, not tell him what is going on in our home to him at all. I did not need any of this to get to Meghan, and sure enough, Jasmine called her father asking about the 'rumors" she was hearing about us losing the kids and the house. He told her it was just that, rumore. A few days later, his mom told her that she was right, usually this woman won't verify anything, but this time, Tom went off on his mother about it. My friend, Kari, who told her boyfriend about what was going on, got an earful from me, as it was only through her that Jasmine would have found out. I told her that she betrayed my trust, and that I no longer wanted her at my home. I was angry, and she said she did not know her boyfriend would tell Meghan anything. Well, a couple of days later, I went to talk to her about forgiving her and she had some intersting things to tell me. She told me that she was at the bar that Meghan hangs out in, as her cousin owns it. She told me that Meghan is an obvious alcoholic, and that she was telling anyone who would listen, that I was a horrible mother, and did not deserve to have my husband or children. She told Kary that she would be pissed if I got my children back. She said that Tom would be happier if he just divorced me. She said that she was so glad that our friendship was over, as it was a wasted friendship and a waste of her time. She told her I basically deserved nothing but to be locked up for the rest of my life. Kari was offended by her comments, as I have been the one there for her when no one else would. I have taken her groceries when she had none, I have purchased her cigarettes, I have been there when she was ill. She felt it was important to tell me what is being said. She apologized that her boyfriend turned to Meghan with what she had told him. I told her that she had to remember that he lived with Meghan for over a year, and during that time, all he heard was all this negative lying from her about me and my family. Of course he would tell her, as it was a rumor he wanted to get off his chest.

Well, last Friday night, Ashley went with me to the bar she hangs out in. I was dressed beautifully, classically, looking fantastic. Ashley was wanting to go with me to see Meghan's expression when I walked in, and besides, it was Kereoke night, and Ashley has a wonderful voice. We were met by another friend of mine, so it was a great night. Meghan saw me walk in, order a soda for myself, and a drink for Ash. We moved to the back, where her aunt was, and when her aunt saw me, she looked me up and down like I had no right to have such nice clothes on. She politely asked how I was, and I told her I was fine. She smiled and turned back to her conversation. My friend showed up, and he and I went to the pool tables up near the front of the bar. We were having a blast, laughing and such, and you could catch glimpses of Meghan sitting there whispering to people, or talking to her aunt and pointing at me. He (my friend) was laughing, and we whispered together. At one point, Ashley sat down to talk to another friend of mine, and you could physically see Meghan trying to lean in and join the conversation. Ashley said nothing of me, nor did our friend. Meghan moved over to her aunt's table, and my friend that I was playing pool with went to the men's restroom. While he was in there, she walked over to me and asked how things were going. I said "Perfect." She smiled and said that was good. She then asked how my family was, and I told her that we were all fine, that the children were home, the house was clean, and that despite the rumors going around, my children were not taken from me, they stayed at my friend's house until her son became ill, and then went to their grandmother's house. I told her that it was the break I needed to finally get things done, after healing from back surgery, and that friend's of mine had driven 500 miles to help me. You could see the shock on her face to find out I had back surgery, something she had not been told. She thought it was out of sheer laziness. She told me she just wanted to see how things were ,as she was on her way out because she had to work the next morning. This is a woman who hates confrontation, and though I did not yell at her at all, you could tell in my words that I had heard what she had said about me, and that I could dispell the lies. She became fearful, and smiled and left.

I put her in her place, and did it without having to be mean about it. I simply stated the truth. I had triumphed over her, and put her back a few steps, by telling her that if she is going to tell rumors about someone, she might want all the facts first, before lying to make herself look better, without having to say those exact words. I came out on top, and she no longer has any kind of hold on me at all. I am a proud woman, and she cannot tear me down.

So, now you know what has been going on, and how I have handled it to the best of my ability. I am a strong woman, love the man I am with, as I have to forgive his shortcomings and mine, in order to keep our marriage together. We love each other, and our children, and even though things get bad, we can recover. So, now most of you know where I have been and what I have been doing. I have been on a new site, as well, called Paganspace.net. It is a wonderful site, easy to use, and yet, I still so love Covenspace. I invite anyone who wants to come on over to check it out, to join me there. They have some amazing forums. The also have amazing articles. The website is www.Paganspace.net

Blessings to you all, Rhea